KAREN’S PERSONAL WEIGHT LOSS JOURNAL

June 25, 2014.  Week 14.  Day 94.  8 lbs down.

CURRENT WEIGHT: 170 lbs.

TODAY’S TOPIC:  FEAR

Have you ever delayed or avoided a certain goal because you were afraid of the consequences? Maybe you are afraid of failure. Maybe you are afraid of appearing weak or incompetent. Maybe you are afraid of change. I am no stranger to fear. I was afraid to publically announce that I am overweight. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of appearing weak or incompetent. I was afraid of judgement.

But, I did it anyway.

It’s been an empowering journey for me. I had moments when I felt guilty or disappointed in myself because I wasn’t losing weight fast enough. I got over that. I am now at a happy place, where I feel confident in my achievements so far and in my ability to keep going. At my current pace, I will reach my goal weight of 150 around Halloween. That’s ok. I am perfectly fine with that, and I am perfectly fine with where I am now. I am making more and more progress every day. And even though I am not at my ideal weight, I know I am stronger and healthier than I was yesterday.

I conquered two more accomplishments this past week that I was afraid of. In fact, I have been afraid of these both for a very long time. The first was I launched my e-book, ‘You and Your Baby: A Holistic Guide to Achieving a Healthy Pregnancy and Happy Baby’. What’s so scary about launching an e-book? I can be overly self-critical. In fact, I am a bit of a perfectionist. Not in the way that everything I do is perfect. In case you didn’t know, that does not exist. We all make mistakes. No, my perfectionism can hinder my accomplishments. It makes me do simple tasks over and over again, because they can always be improved. It took years before I was ready to send my e-book out in the world. I had mixed emotions that day. Relief, anxiety, hope, pride, and yes, lots of fear.

The second fear I recently overcame was rollerblading. Let me make one thing clear, I am not a natural skater. In fact, I am quite clumsy. I didn’t skate much as a child. I didn’t play hockey or ringette. When I was in my 20’s, I got my first rollerblades. I used to rollerblade with my sister through Assiniboine Park in Winnipeg. It was nice. And flat. I have some good memories from those days, skating with Jody Boyechko (she is now a Shaklee Independent Distributor, helping people live cleaner, healthier lives). Then I moved to Vancouver and I used to rollerblade through Stanley Park. Again, it was flat with many structures (and people!) nearby to use for support.

Last year was when I realized it had been over a decade since I have been rollerblading. I decided to get back into it. I even had a schedule in my mind of going at least once every second week. I went once last summer. I experienced my first, and most terrifying wipe-out! See, the trail I used was not flat. In fact, it has very deceptive hills. Hills which look like no more than a gradual decline, but can send you rolling down the trail with such speed that you freeze with fear, hold your arms out like wings (or propellers) and pray that your guardian angels guide you to safety.

rollerblading 1

The trail.

It took me almost a year to build up the courage to try rollerblading again. But I did it. I went back to the same trail. Too big a challenge, perhaps? I feel like I am jumping ahead of myself, like skiing a mountain before I’ve mastered the bunny hill. But, I did it anyway. And yes, I wiped out again.

This time I was prepared. I wore a helmet and wrist pads. This time I knew what to expect and my wipe-out wasn’t nearly as scary. I got dirty, but I didn’t get hurt. I practiced using my brake. At one point, I passed a rollerblading couple and told them it was my ‘first time’. I wanted to let them know, in case they noticed my dirty knees, or the way I was struggling to maintain balance. One of the rollerbladers said ‘Good job!’ the way I praised my daughter the first time she used the big toilet. It made me feel good. I was gaining confidence.  Soon my momentum picked up (as did my speed!) and I did not panic. I held out my arms, only this time they weren’t flapping, swinging or circling. I raised them above my head, perfectly still, and took a deep breath. For a brief moment, I was king of the world.

My fear had been replaced with a much better feeling.

Confidence.

I know what it’s like to wait for that perfect moment, when all the stars are aligned. If you are reading this, and been wanting to make a positive change for yourself or your family, your stars are aligned right now! Take the first step towards your biggest fear. Maybe it’s rollerblading. Maybe it’s losing weight or quitting smoking.  Only you know what your fears are that need to be faced.

I know. It’s scary.

It took me a long time to get back into those rollerblades.

But I’m so glad I did.

Rollerblade selfie 1

Me, overcoming my fear.

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